My family is not a family at all. My mother ,Joann Vester, has no maternal bases when it comes to me. I hate that I still stay with her and that all she do is degrade me by telling me that basically I'm a loser. I try to do the best that I can in life, but why do people have to constantly force you to step on people to get ahead. I'm not that person. I don't hurt those to get to where I need to be. No one will listen to me because they all think that I'm just so out of touch with them. Have they ever thought that maybe I'm this way because they don't care. And I don't give a fuck what they say about they "do care". They don't. I have no one but myself in this world. No matter what they try to say about me I just try to brush it off and push on, and it's so hard to be in this predicament when I have nothing but me. I don't have a job. I stay with my mom, and I'm constantly being compared to my older sister Chris. She's a real bitch too. She's a thief. She has stolen my clothes and many of my things, but my mom just think that she is a saint. I try to tell her that "hey, she steals my things!", and all my mom would say is that's between you too. How in the fuck can it be between us two when the bitch won't take me seriously. NONE OF YOU DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want more out of life. I'm not the only one who has quit a job and has struggled. And I know that I'm not the only one is going through this with family. But this is REALLY SERIOUS. I just tried to kill myself by cutting my wrist, and they don't care. I've said it out loud and I'll tell you this much, if you say your going to kill yourself and they say go right ahead. They don't give a rat's ass about you. That's the whole fucked up point about this. This could be my very own suicide letter to you all, but will you care? Do they care? No. I'm suppose to be getting married soon and I have no one to trust. My life is fucked up and I don't know what to do. I need help and I'm afraid of what has become of me. I just don't want to feel like I don't belong to anyone. Love, I only feel if for my husband to be, and I'm afraid that he will lose me soon if I don't get help. I'm so sorry for putting this all out, but who else do I have. My parents are not for me, my siblings aren't for me. Brandan, my fience, is busy trying to make a living that he doesn't see that I'm losing a grip on life. I know that I've made my bed and I'm laying in it so tightly that it could kill me itself. I'm just broken, broken up to pieces.........................................................
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